we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
