I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
