dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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