Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
