Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
