the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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