Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
