So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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