there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
