To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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