omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
