My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
