Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
