I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
