I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
