Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
