i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
