Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
