I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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