if you like me you must not know who I am
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
