Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
