I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
