the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
