He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So drunk its hurt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
