He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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