Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
