Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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