I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
