Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
