and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
