He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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