and my herpes radar will keep us safe
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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