I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
