I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
