he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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