The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
