oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
