a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
