Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
