The maid of honor just puked.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
