...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
