what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
