Kiss
Puke
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
