i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
