I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
