she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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