He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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