he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
