Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
