She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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