barbara walters just said penis...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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