i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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