I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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