Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish you could order shots online.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just had sex on a roof
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
