respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
