She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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