My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
